Most of us have people in our lives who matter deeply, but have slipped into the background. We want to stay connected, we just don’t have the time. Today I’m going to offer you one practice that can instantly reboot a treasured relationship.
What We Know: Friendships Matter—and They’re Fading
According to Pew Research & NYU Professor Scott Galloway, 61% of U.S. adults say that having close friends is extremely or very important for a fulfilling life. By comparison, only 25% say the same about making a lot of money.
We care deeply about friends—and yet, we’re in a friendship recession. Three decades ago, 55% of American men said they had at least six close friends. Today, only 27% do.
What I’ve Learned: Unexpected + Sincere is a winning combination
When someone reaches out in a heartfelt and unexpected way, it matters. One of the simplest ways I’ve found to do this is something called a “Gratitude Visit”.
Quick disclaimer: I learned this practice from Dr. Laurie Santos, who teaches the most popular class at Yale University (on Happiness). When she told me about it, I immediately felt uncomfortable. But I’m beyond thankful I gave it a shot.
What You Can Try: A Gratitude Visit
Here’s how it works:
- Think of one person who made your life better—but you’ve never properly thanked. A friend. A teacher. A mentor. Someone who helped shape who you are.
- Write them a short letter of appreciation. A page is plenty. You might describe a memory, and why it mattered to you.
- Then…read the letter out loud to them. In person if you can. If not, a phone or video call works.
I did this with my friend Rich in Detroit (over the phone), and I barely made it a couple paragraphs before my voice cracked. I wasn’t planning on that. Neither of us was. That’s kind of the point.
In a world that’s moving faster and becoming more automated by the day, this is the kind of raw humanness our relationships need.
So here’s my challenge to you for February:
Write and deliver at least one “Gratitude Visit”. It takes courage, but it might be one of the most meaningful moments of your month. If you try it, I’d love to hear how it goes.