Most of us are worried about something.
So we try not to think about it.
Ironically, that is what keeps the worry going.
What We Know: The Pink Elephant Paradox
In psychology, this is called ironic process theory, sometimes nicknamed “the pink elephant paradox.”
Try not to think about a pink elephant, and what happens?
You think about it. The mind starts checking to make sure the thought isn’t there… and that checking keeps it alive.
Worry works the same way. When you try not to pay attention to a worry, your brain labels it as important and keeps bringing it back.
What you resist persists.
What I’ve Learned: Worry Needs a Place to Go
The goal isn’t to eliminate worry.
The goal is to contain it.
Last month I spoke to a group of educators, and a teacher from New York City shared something unique she does during her walk home from work.
“Each block gets a worry”
One block: a student she’s concerned about.
Next block: a challenging conversation with a parent.
Next block: a decision she hasn’t made yet.
Each block, she focuses on nothing but that one worry. Then when she reaches the stop sign, she lets it go and moves on to the next one.
She wasn’t avoiding worry.
She was giving it an appointment.
I’ve started calling this a “Worry Walk”.
What You Can Try: The Worry Walk
Take a short walk around your neighborhood, a parking lot, or even to the mailbox and back. Pick one thing you’re worried about. During the walk, let your mind go there on purpose. Deliberately run through the scenarios and what-ifs.
Then choose a marker — a tree, a corner, your driveway. When you reach that spot, let the worry go for now.
You might be wondering: But what if I still haven’t solved the problem?
That’s the point.
You’re not fixing, you’re acknowledging. When a worry feels heard, your mind stops interrupting you all day to remind you.
When you try to ignore worry, it follows you.
When you acknowledge a worry, it loosens its grip.
That teacher told me the biggest difference isn’t on the walk. It’s when she walks through her front door. She can actually be more present with her husband and kids.
Sometimes the most practical thing you can do with a worry is to give it a short appointment, so it doesn’t take over your entire day.